Practice Makes Perfect
by Angelic Guardian
Summary: Kenny offers to teach Stan some of his key moves on how to get girls. Oneshot.


Author's Note: I wrote this Stenny oneshot because, one, I really wanted to experiment with this pairing, and two, I just feel like the Stan/Kenny pairing is underrated in general. (Although, I have to admit, my favorite person to slash Kenny with is still Kyle. That pairing just makes more sense to me than this one does, for some reason. But they're both cute in their own ways.)

By the way, I have no clue how old Stan and Kenny are in this oneshot. They're in high school; that's all you really need to know.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

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Kenny McCormick was notorious for being the biggest man-whore in his entire school, and possibly, in all of South Park. He knew how to play girls in just the right ways. He knew all of the right words to say and moves to make. He'd win them over with his irresistible charm, whisper sweet nothings in their ears, and once he had them under his captivating spell, they would put out for him like fire extinguishers.

And even though literally every girl in the school knew that Kenny was a player, that all he wanted from them was sex, and that he'd never commit to just one girl, every single girl in the school, freshmen to seniors, would _still _be lining up to date him…and do more than just that, obviously.

Because this was _Kenny_, for heaven's sake. He was fucking _hot_, with his gorgeous baby blue eyes and his disheveled but soft blonde hair that the girls just _loved_ running their fingers through. What more of a reason did they really need?

Hell, with those attributes, he was even able to get a few of the female teachers (the attractive ones, anyway) to make out with him on several occasions.

Kenny's undeniable skills with the ladies never ceased to amaze his friends. They pretty much looked up to him for it, while at the same time, secretly envying the fact that he could get any girl he wanted to lust after him. It was simply incredible.

One of Kenny's closest friends in particular found it to be especially impressive. This person was Stan Marsh, who pretty much had opposite luck when it came to girls. He only had one steady girlfriend, Wendy Testaburger, and although they had been dating for quite a few years now, they still had yet to sleep together.

Stan watched in sheer amazement as Kenny made out with one of his current girlfriends, Red, in Kenny's favorite make out spot, the back parking lot of the school. It was perfect because, since it wasn't a faculty parking lot, but rather a student one, there was a very slim chance of ever getting caught by a teacher. The only reason Stan knew about Kenny's secret spot was that he accidentally stumbled upon one of Kenny's steamy love sessions while he was walking to his car late one afternoon.

On this day, however, instead of just ignoring it and hurrying over to his car as he usually did, Stan just hid behind the school building, staring at Kenny and Red as the two went at it like dogs in heat.

When Red finally pulled away from Kenny, Stan impulsively ducked his head, for he couldn't take the chance of either one of them spotting him. That would just be embarrassing and awkward, too, because then Stan would have to come up with some sort of excuse as to why he was spying on Kenny and Red in the first place.

Stan nervously held his breath, and he made sure not to make a sound when he saw Red pass right by him with a dreamy and satisfied look on her face. He let out the long breath with great relief once she was gone.

He peered back at the spot in the parking lot where Red and Kenny were just making out in a few seconds ago, but to Stan's surprise, Kenny had already disappeared, too. He stayed standing there, wondering in confusion about where Kenny could have gone off to.

"So…did you enjoy the show?" Stan suddenly heard someone say. His body stiffened as he turned around to see who it was. "Kenny?" he asked in a bewildered tone. "Dude, how did you-"

"I saw you hiding back here earlier," Kenny answered before Stan could actually finish his question. "So did you have fun watching us? You don't have a boner or anything, do you?"

"Dude!" Stan yelled, his face instantly turning a light shade of pink. "You're disgusting."

"Hey, _you're _the one who was stalking me like some sick fucking pervert," Kenny pointed out to him.

"I wasn't _stalking_ you, Kenny!" Stan tried to justify himself. "I was just…whatever, shut up! At least I'm not a total whore like you."

"True," Kenny agreed, a smirk appearing on his face. "But who's the one getting all the action, Stan?" he asked, but Stan just gave him a dirty look. "My point exactly."

Stan crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his back against the wall of the school. "Dude, sometimes I just don't get you, Kenny," he said. "Seriously, how the _hell_ do you get away with whoring yourself out to so many girls?"

Kenny's smile grew wider, like this was something he was insanely proud of, which he probably was. "I know many ways to a girl's heart, Stan," he announced.

"Oh, really?" Stan asked, curiously raising one eyebrow. "And what exactly are your tricks, dude?"

"Well, I'd tell you, but…I'm pretty sure it would take all day," Kenny said. "There's a shit load of them, believe me. Plus, you're _nowhere _near as experienced as I am, so it would probably take twice as fucking long to teach you everything I know."

"Hey, that isn't true!" Stan protested. "I'm experienced…"

"Really?" Kenny asked, clearly unconvinced. "Okay, then. Tell me…how far have you gone with Wendy?"

Stan was taken aback by the question. "Me and Wendy? We've, uh…made out a lot, I guess…"

Kenny practically scoffed at this. "Please, Stan, that's fucking middle school shit," he said. "Have you _at least _gotten past second base with her?"

"Uh…" Stan said, gradually becoming uneasy. Shit, if he said no, Kenny would probably rip on him about it for the rest of his life. He decided to play dumb. "What's second base again?"

"Shit, you're joking, right?" Kenny asked. "It's when you feel up a chick's tits, idiot!"

"Right, right, I forgot…" Stan said hastily, biting his lower lip.

"…Well?" Kenny asked, waiting for him to finally give an answer.

Stan awkwardly uncrossed his arms and started sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Well, we… I mean… not _exactly,_" he stumbled over his words, the blush on his cheeks deepening. Goddammit, can this conversation possibly get any more awkward?

"Oh, Stan…" Kenny said, shaking his head back and forth in disappointment. "Okay, look. Do you want to fuck her or not?"

Apparently it can.

Stan's eyes went wide, and he felt his body freeze up even more. "Dude!" he shouted. His face was completely bright red now.

Kenny smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand, realizing that he couldn't be so direct with Stan, because it was obvious that Stan didn't feel comfortable talking about stuff like this. "Okay, okay," Kenny said, deciding to take a different approach. "You love Wendy, right?"

"Yeah…" Stan replied hesitantly.

"And you want to _express _your love to her, right?" Kenny asked.

"Yeah."

Kenny nodded, putting his thumb and his index finger to his chin. "Alright, here's what I'll do. I'm gonna give you a crash course on all of my secret moves, and as long as you remember everything I teach you, you'll be fucking Wendy in no time."

Stan not only felt sick to his stomach, but lightheaded, too. All of this was just _way _too much for him to take in right now. Although, he _was _aware of the fact that Kenny obviously knew what he was doing when it came to impressing girls. He'd be learning from an expert…

And, despite the fact that Stan would never admit it to Kenny, he _did _desperately want to take his relationship with Wendy to the next level…

Or, you know, fuck her, as Kenny put it so eloquently.

"Okay, fine," Stan finally said. "Teach me."

"With pleasure," Kenny said, grinning. "Trust me, Stan, you won't be disappointed. Okay, let's start with the easy stuff. Now," he paused and extended his arm out toward Stan. "Show me how you hold her hand."

Stan looked down at Kenny's hand, the palm facing up. Confused, and with an enormous amount of uncertainty, he took Kenny's hand in his, softly curling his fingers around Kenny's hand and closing his grip. He looked up at Kenny for some sign of approval.

"All wrong," Kenny said. "Do you even know what it means when a guy holds a girl's hand like this?" he asked Stan, holding up their hands that were now cupped together.

"Uh…it _means _something?" Stan asked incredulously.

"Shit, of course it _means _something, Stan!" Kenny said as if Stan should have already known that. "When you hold a chick's hand like this, it's as if you're saying, 'I'm gonna sleep with you tonight, bitch.'"

"_What?_ No it doesn't!" Stan objected. It sounded absolutely ridiculous to him.

"Well, it does for me, at least," Kenny said with a guilty but bold smile. "Okay, look, the best way to hold a girl's hand is like this." He freed his hand from Stan's grasp and slowly intertwined his fingers into Stan's. "See? You do this, and your chick will fucking _melt_. It's practically an orgasm just waiting to happen."

Stan absentmindedly nodded his head while he stared at their fingers that were threaded together. They seemed to fit so perfectly. "Interesting," he commented.

"Yeah, there's actually a lot of ways to get a girl to orgasm, but I'm getting ahead of myself," Kenny said. "Alright, then, moving on." He permanently let go of Stan's hand. "This next topic is very important…kissing."

Stan's heart immediately started beating faster as soon as that word left Kenny's lips. He prayed to God that he wouldn't have to demonstrate his kissing techniques by doing it with Kenny. The only person that Stan had _ever _kissed on the lips was Wendy. The thought of doing it with someone else…with his _male_ friend, no less, made Stan feel nauseous.

"Okay…show me how you kiss," Kenny said.

Shit.

"Uh, I don't know, Kenny," Stan said, trying to find a way out of it. "I mean, wouldn't that make us look, you know, _gay_?"

His question didn't seem to bother Kenny, though. "Well, yeah, but so fucking what? No one's even around to see us," Kenny informed him. "Besides, even if somebody _does _see us, it wouldn't matter, because we both know that we're not gay. Straight chicks make out all the time, Stan. It's really not a big deal. It's fucking _hot_, actually…"

Stan decided to just shut Kenny up then by forcefully pushing his lips right into Kenny's. He could tell that Kenny was surprised by it at first, for his lips initially didn't move when they came into contact with Stan's. Kenny quickly got into it, though, his tongue making its way into Stan's mouth. Stan massaged Kenny's tongue with his own.

Kenny pulled back from Stan, his mouth hanging open. "_Damn_," Kenny said. "I'm impressed, Stan. Seriously, man, that was fucking _perfect! _You should definitely use that move on Wendy the next time she starts running her mouth."

"Really? It was good?" Stan asked. He was shocked, but mostly happy, to see that Kenny was so damn excited about the kiss.

"Yeah, I mean…" and then Kenny stopped and suggestively leaned his face toward Stan's. "…unless you think you need more practice."

Stan completed the small gap between him and Kenny. The two friends pressed their lips deeply into each other's again, but this time, Stan carefully wrapped his arms around Kenny's waist, and Kenny placed a hand on Stan's chest, gingerly stroking it up and down with his fingertips.

"Mmm," Stan moaned out of undeniable pleasure. He abruptly removed his lips from Kenny's. "Wow, dude, now I know why you have so many girls after you."

Kenny just smiled. "I knew you wouldn't be disappointed," he said confidently. "Oh, but wait, there's still one topic we need to discuss."

"Yeah? What's that?" Stan asked.

"Foreplay," Kenny replied, beaming.


End file.
